this difference between this sem's finals and last sem's and last last sem's is that this time, i dont have that much of the urge to cry. i think its a good thing because it shows that i am more prepared and more confident. i guess im starting to really know where my priorities are.

im starting to really regret what i did. its scary, the way people change. i always think that im old enough, mature enough and my thinking has more or less settled but no, the way i change scares me. like i was thinking today that maybe i dont want to get married after all. maybe happily ever after isnt as easy as what we perceived it to be. id rather stay single than be with someone i can live with (as opposed to be with someone i cannot live without). and the thought of having kids suddenly scares me so much. i though of what ive done with my life thus far and i think, i dont want my child to be like me.
i have found my greatest regret in life. i know it. my only comfort is that if given the chance i know i will redo it, because i know i am not strong enough to resist the temptation. but my thinking is constantly changing. i am so afraid that one day, i will realise that i was actually capable of holding back, and if only i'd held back. and when that day comes, then i will really be left with nothing to hold on to.

scribbled at 9:23 p.m. 2009-04-25